Well we did not plan to update our blog while in China b/c we did not bring our computer but our hotel has a computer so I've decided to update! Unfortunately we do not have any pictures though...I will post lots when I get home!
The last five days have been full of ups and downs. Ella is a little sweetheart and she is finally starting to let down her guard. The first couple days were extremely difficult and Ella was just so sad which made Greg and I very sad. She did not adjust to Greg and I like we had hoped...she cried and cried and cried some more...it was very tough because there was nothing we could do to soothe her! Especially me! She would only go to Greg for the first three days and still will not go to me out in public...Greg has to hold her all the time...this is also very hard for me to swallow! She is making gains though...I just had no idea that it would be this tough-very niave of me to think that she would adjust to us immediately. I guess it's hard b/c you read everybodys blogs and the transition seems to go so smoothly-maybe not immediately but very soon after...that was certainly not the case with Ella. She still has crying fits that seem to last for hours (feels like hours but the longest has been 40 minutes) where she does nothing but cry and cry and nothing will console her. As a mother, it's the hardest thing to experience b/c with Sophie all I have to do is pick her up and it calms her immediately and here I have a little one that nothing works! My heart breaks for this little girl and all I want to do is love her but she's not quite ready for that love yet...
As much as she hurts I know we are doing the right thing and eventually these days will be few and far between and she will be open to our love...
Uh oh she's starting to cry...must go for now....
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3 comments:
I was so happy to see that you updated the blog!! I check it everyday!!! I'm sure Ella is going to warm up to you guys very soon! Esp when she's finally home with the whole fam! I miss you guys and I can't wait to meet my little niece!! :)
Hang in there guys! This happens and is normal. Just remember exactly what you said--that it will keep getting better. You've prepared youselves so well for this experience because you love your daughters and family.
Here's a list of things for attachment that a friend of ours gave us (she works for Babies Can't Wait and is a social emotional developmental specialist).
Things I do with the children I work with to help parents/child attachment-
1) Less words- more gestures.
2) Simple peek a boo- Now you see me - now you don't - with gentle laughter- not the overstimulating kind.
3) Also quiet picture time with labeling for meeting her needs. Cup, food, hug, sleep, toy, blanket.
4)Labeling Mommy, Ba Ba, brother, sister.
5) Limit the amount of people in for a short period of time. Just close friends and relatives
6) Whatever Lily is interested in - be interested in it too. Begin a gentle tease with this. Take away - give it back.
7)Play peek a boo with favorite toys, pictures, books too. Hope that helps and email me if you need more.
8) Quiet time with eye contact- no words just eye contact and play. (this helps with the overstimulation issue and attachment simultaneously)
9) Hugs- and massage- a little deepness even when she pushes away- but of course gentle at the same time.
10) Funny faces, smile then frown then laugh- with mirror play-
11) Lastly - it is okay for her to cry when you go to the potty- you can sing to let her know you are still there.
We've learned that secure attachment takes a while. Lily now lets Eric do many things. He is able to comfort her, give her a bath, change her, etc...You will be amazed and will love each day as you see Ella respond to your love and affection. Our hearts and prayers are with you!
I am so happy that you updated your blog. I have been thinking about you guys constantly. I know things can seem tough right now, but you just hang in there honey, things will change before you know it. I am sending good wishes your way.
Love you!
Jonni
:)
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